As I grow older the news becomes more important. I read the BBC News everyday – in fact that where most of my news comes from. However I get very angry about stuff and I believe I come up with good ideas to combat this. So I have decided to publish my ideas and if I ever become a benevolent dictator you can believe that I will try to put as much as possible into action.

Ideas in no particular order:

  •  Child benefits: To prevent baby factories earning a small fortune off the backs of workers, you will only get benefits for the first 3 children. Unfortunately you can’t remove the benefits of those who already receive those benefits – because you will be penalising the children (and the bookmakers – or am I just cynical?).
  • Benefits: If you can’t speak English, or read/write then you can’t get full benefits unless you go to lessons to teach you. To test you will be given a computer generated check list which will always be different, so the chance of getting the right combination to prove you can read will be very low.
  • More benefits: Even if you can read and write but have been unemployed more than 6 months will be put into work groups and assigned to cleaning duties/road works – pretty much like chain gangs. If you don’t turn up and do some work then you don’t get paid.
  • Also benefits are the same for everybody. Even if you were a councillor once – why do they get more benefits than everyone else?
  • New jails. Also the older jails will get overhauled and the toilets placed at the end of the landing (change two cells into toilets). The cells will be double up to 4 per cell. Its a jail – not a fucking holiday camp.
  • Life with no chance of parole: The tax-payer will be supporting these no-hopers for the rest of their natural life, plus they are taking up places in the over crowded jails.  Bring back capital punishment.  Death, especially for those who kill when pissed/high on drugs, will seriously reduce the populous of life’s less desirables. Who would be willing to put these crazies out of their misery? Other lifers. Give them a nice ‘house’ in the grounds, pretty much free reign as long as they keep putting the other prisoners out of their misery. Perfect job for Harold Shipman – Fred West could of done him a nice conservatory and patio.
  • Voting: People are stupid. I have very little clue about the bigger issues going on, and that is mainly because unbiased information isn’t available. For any particular issue there will be a web-site/channel for the protagonist and antagonist to put there views forward. Mediators will place references for all information they put forward or call into question any bullshit they smell. People would be able to ask their own questions. Sort of like a real-time news-related wikipedia.
  • Government: Less bureaucracy. Also I wonder how many people in the cabinet actually worked in the industries they occupy. What makes Alistair Darling more suited to designing the budget than the average man on the street? Has the health secretary worked in the NHS? Does (s)he go private? I wouldn’t have a cabinet but a group of people who are eminently qualified for the job – the people who actually work there.
  • Tax: No more sneaky taxes. Remove all the VAT and move it into income tax. Make life simpler.
  • Transport: It’s painfully apparent to anyone who uses public transport that it costs far too much. Scrap season ticket discounts and put in a single tariff for standard class. £1 will take you ~10 miles on the trains. So a 250 mile journey to London from here will cost you £25. People who want silver service can pay an arm and a leg for it, but standard class will get in cheap.
  • Personal responsibility: Take some fucking responsibility. Life doesn’t owe you anything. The brightest and best will get the good jobs and some will get the shit.
  • Lottery. Currently it is so diluted it’s bloody ridiculous. State will take control and get rid of everything except for the main draw and the scratch cards.
  • Make more singular agencies. The internet is making the world a lot smaller place and borders are largely ineffectual. Powerful agencies are still struggling to maintain their old world (pre-2000) monopolies. It doesn’t work any more, and a lot of the laws governing this date back to middle of the last century. Patents are supposed to encourage and protect innovators but patents are so broad they are actually being used by demons to stifle competition. So first a pan-European patent facility which has been designed to stave off the ridiculous patents that have been plaguing industry in the past few years.
  • Law: Law will be become more consistent. Juries will not only be a selection of peers but they will also be vetted on what they know about a particular subject. Someone who can barely add up without his fingers should not sit on a case involving the creative use of imaginary numbers and large sums of money.

I will add more as I think of them.

Will you vote for me?